Fathers and Father Figures

Fathers Day is one that usually comes and goes for me with out even rating a blip on my radar. As many of my friends know, my own father died when I was 5, and two months shy of my 6th birthday. It left a void to be sure, because in the few years I had with him, he was an awesome dad. I don’t remember him ever yelling or getting fired up about anything. I only remember him being funny, handsome, and the best baseball player I had ever seen. It took Mike Schmidt a long time to surpass Abe Homsher on the diamond, in my opinion.

In retrospect, I learned along the the way without a dad, you’re lucky if you find a father figure to help you keep your shit together, but it’s not something you can create, it has to just happen. So even though in Boy Scouts they would assign me a “father” for mandatory father-son events, that unsurprisingly didn’t create one.

I had an uncle that I loved dearly and who was the family patriarch, but I never saw him as a father figure either, he was just an awesome uncle. He would take us to baseball games give advice when asked and was truly hilarious when he would bait my mother the way only a younger brother can do to a big sister. I still miss him and expect to see him pop up at family functions 20+ years later.

Funny thing about life though, is that until I looked at the replay, as it were, I didn’t realize how the time I needed a father the most, is when one appeared in about the most round about way possible. My sister had secured a babysitting job over the summer for a wonderful young couple with two young children. I got to know them too and would fill in watching the kids if my sister was busy, and though I never would’ve guessed it, this guy became what I needed, exactly when I needed it.

Steven Patrizio was cool. He had everything, a beautiful wife and daughters, great house, fast car, and an excess of cash and self confidence. Or pretty much everything a drifting 14 year old had none of. Steve was brilliant young defense attorney that was already known in Philadelphia for taking no-win cases, and actually winning them. All this and he still wasn’t 30. He was also the product of an affectionate Italian family, and no offense to my dear Irish mother, but she was not outwardly affectionate. You’d show up at Steve’s place and you were getting hugs from the whole house, and it was great!

Why he took to me, I’m not sure. Maybe because he had an older brother who showed him the ropes, maybe because he knew I lacked guidance, whatever, he quickly became someone I could ask about any subject and get advice that helped a kid become an adult and lasted a lifetime too. Steve also could sense when he needed to talk to me and find out what was going through my semi empty/tormented teenage head. He never talked down to me, but wasn’t shy about standing me up and calling me on my bullshit. When I wanted to sulk and lament what I didn’t have, he told me in great detail what I did have. When I would’ve been too proud to attend community college because all my friends were going to “real colleges” and would’ve gone down a bad road, he was the person to check my ego and get me to enroll at Community College, a decision hat changed my life for the better.

So here comes Fathers Day 2015, and once again it was about to sail past with out too much thought, until it was brought to my attention that I have become to someone else, what Steve was to me. I was vaguely aware that two of the young brothers who work for my wife seem to emulate me and spend a lot of time hanging out with our family, but even though my wife has told me how much they love being around me, I kind of dismissed it as them being polite… Till this morning, when they were waiting for me early befor I left for work with some little presents they bought for me for Father’s Day. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. The gifts, while simple, might as well have been made of solid gold, because the fact that they took time out to think about me was really touching.

I suppose that means through luck or design, I have managed to become a “second father” to these two brothers and the circle continues, as I give them advice, or just spend some time with them. I left a message for Steve today as I always do on Fathers Day to thank him and check in, and to let him know it’s now my chance to happily do for someone else what he did for me all those years ago. So whether it’s your father, step father, or father figure, show them some love today and don’t forget to say thanks for all their contributions no matter how large or how small to making to the person you are today.

Live Kind

Sean

Time Traveling, Kind Traveling

Yesterday and today I went time traveling and it was everything I thought it could be. Time travel it turns out is surprisingly easy. You don’t need Superman flying faster than the speed of light, all you need to start is some bad Phillies Baseball and the rest happens by itself.

The Phillies baseball isn’t mandatory for time travel, but last night it was the catalyst to help propel me. When I sit in Citizens Bank Ballpark before a game and they’re prepping the field, the scent of the fresh cut grass alone takes me back to my childhood summers in Maine, which is my personal happy place, but I digress. This post is about time traveling and kind traveling, we got some science and love to discuss here, Northeast Harbor can wait for another day.

Seeing the once mighty Phillies get beaten like red headed step children by the Dodgers rocketed me right to 1977 when they always beat the Phillies. It didn’t matter who was in the lineup, you knew the Phills were going to find a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, and last night they took a good performance from a dominating left handed pitcher and did zippo with it. Like I said, “hello 1977”, but time travel isn’t perfected yet so there are times when you can hit the right year, but not the right place. These bugs can be worked out.

Anyway, you’re probably asking where the Kindness comes in, and here it is. Right after the game I met up with one of my oldest and closest friends whom I hadn’t seen in 10 years, and BAM! I was transported thirty-two years into the past where the laughs and the bonds were as strong as they’d ever been.

We talked about the odds we’d be productive members of society (50-50 at best), insanely bad decisions (alcohol, cars, trains, and a lots of law enforcement), incredibly lucky breaks (coincidentally, more alcohol, cars, trains and slow footed law enforcement), and how cool and easy time travel is. The best part of time traveling back though, was to realize those 11687 days only made the bond stronger. You know you made it. Those chapters that were full of questions and suspense, “will she say yes, what about his promotion, will we ever finish school?…
Hey Sweeps we made it this far. The story is far from over, but we made it past a lot of the scary stuff, and when you kick back with the beverage of your choice, an old friend and some time travel, you realize John Lennon was right, All You Need Is Love”. You’d think time travel would be exhausting, but It’s such a treat for the soul, that it fills you with good feelings every time you think about it. Your body is cranking out Imunoglobbin A, building anti-bodies, probably even kicking out a few endorphins, because it’s one of the kindest acts you can do for yourself, thus “helpers high” is coming your way with a bag of Dorito’s. Woo Hoo!!

So Time travel back in time was great, how about the future? I did that too, BOOM! You can do it too. I was lucky enough to go to a wedding of wonderful girl who’s like family to my wife and I. She’s been there for us, and we for her. We’ve known her through ups and downs, and witnessed her in dark moments you want to rescue her from, but you couldn’t. You could only sit there in the moment knowing that someday, love would rule the day, but not then, not there. That story was scare-ree, but today seeing her wed her soul mate was seeing the future, and the fact that the future worked out after all, is another treat for the soul. And let me tell you, you get a day of happy hugs, that’s kindness on a galactic scale, as befits a time traveler.

Like John Lennon sung, “Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.” So Time travel baby!

Pick up that phone and call a friend, or a relative you haven’t talked to in a while. Hit someone on Facebook and make plans to re-acquaint. Treat your soul to some love and go time traveling.